Luke 6:36-37 Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful. (37) "Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven"
Why do we as humans have such a hard time forgiving people, when God forgives us for everything, all we have to do is ask. I think as humans we forget to, or don't want to, ask.
Julia, when she knows she's made me upset, will say "Mommy I'm sorry, will you forgive me?" A three year old can easily ask for forgiveness, but it's the adults who have a harder time.
My sister and I have been at odds for about 2 years now. We are pleasant enough to each other, but I see her about 3-4 times a year, and she lives about 8 miles from me. We do not have a sister relationship.
Her husband's brother died very unexpectedly on Tuesday, Jay was 49. My sister called me Wednesday to let me know what happened. I sent her an email last night expressing my sorrow and asked if I could do anything. She called me again today to let me know when the service was and how long she and her husband would be out of town. At the end of the conversation she said "I'm sorry. I'm just sorry. I love you". In the last 2 years I don't ever remember my sister saying she was sorry. Even when I confronted her with telling my daughter something that she didn't need to know, her reply was "I thought she knew". I never received an apology.
Today I received an apology and I feel that she really meant it.
Forgiveness.........it is one of the hardest things to do, but one of the most important.
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Monday, May 30, 2011
Memorial Day
It is Memorial Day, a time to remember all of our Veterans who have given their life for our country. I am at work......no one else is at work..........just me.........this is sad.
So my mother is coming for her annual visit this week. She arrives Thursday and will stay until Tuesday. I have SO MUCH TO DO before then!!!! Yesterday I wrote a to do list and moved 2 pieces of furniture. I still have 748 things to do. I am excited for her to come though, the girls enjoy visiting with her. Julia is calling her Grammy at the moment which is hilarious. If you knew my mother, and that is what I call her Mother, and she refers to herself as Grandmother Valerie when sighing cards. She is just not the Grammy type. However if that is what Julia wants to call her then so be it. I learned a long time ago (like the day she was born) that she is a very strong willed child and will do what she wants. (Hello little baby, you came very very quickly. Almost even before the doctor got into the room).
So last night was the Fifth Sunday Singing at Derrell's church. The girls and I, along with Memaw & Sheila went. Derrell sang 2 songs which I really enjoyed. Sheila loves singing, and used to all the time. She hasn't sung in almost a year. So she sang Mansion on the Hilltop, and for some crazy reason thought I would get up there and sing with her! Hello??? Has she met me??? She says, well you've sang it before! I said yes I was like 5 years old!!!!!! So she sang 2 songs, and then at the end of the service another one. She again kept asking me to get up and sing with her, I did not want to put up a huge fuss in front of Derrell's church family so I did. OH MY GOSH I GOT UP IN FRONT OF THE CHURCH AND..............SANG!!!!!!!!!! I may never be able to show my face there again. Maybe if I wear a hat.....maybe if I get plastic surgery....I know! I will get laryngitis every time we go to his church! Yay! Then I won't be asked to sing again! Great idea.....don't you think??
So today while at work, remember it's Memorial Day and there is nothing to do, I wrote a poem for Derrell. I much prefer writing poems to singing. I would get up no problem and read one of my poems, but singing in front of people???....blech. Anyway I am very proud of my poem, I think it turned out quite nicely. I haven't written anything since July 2011 (posted way down there \/ ) so I'm a bit rusty. Anyway Derrell said he liked it, I hope he did. I would like to write more poems, maybe this summer I can try and accomplish that.
It's 10:03am, I so wish it were 2:03pm so I could get the heck out of dodge!!!!
So my mother is coming for her annual visit this week. She arrives Thursday and will stay until Tuesday. I have SO MUCH TO DO before then!!!! Yesterday I wrote a to do list and moved 2 pieces of furniture. I still have 748 things to do. I am excited for her to come though, the girls enjoy visiting with her. Julia is calling her Grammy at the moment which is hilarious. If you knew my mother, and that is what I call her Mother, and she refers to herself as Grandmother Valerie when sighing cards. She is just not the Grammy type. However if that is what Julia wants to call her then so be it. I learned a long time ago (like the day she was born) that she is a very strong willed child and will do what she wants. (Hello little baby, you came very very quickly. Almost even before the doctor got into the room).
So last night was the Fifth Sunday Singing at Derrell's church. The girls and I, along with Memaw & Sheila went. Derrell sang 2 songs which I really enjoyed. Sheila loves singing, and used to all the time. She hasn't sung in almost a year. So she sang Mansion on the Hilltop, and for some crazy reason thought I would get up there and sing with her! Hello??? Has she met me??? She says, well you've sang it before! I said yes I was like 5 years old!!!!!! So she sang 2 songs, and then at the end of the service another one. She again kept asking me to get up and sing with her, I did not want to put up a huge fuss in front of Derrell's church family so I did. OH MY GOSH I GOT UP IN FRONT OF THE CHURCH AND..............SANG!!!!!!!!!! I may never be able to show my face there again. Maybe if I wear a hat.....maybe if I get plastic surgery....I know! I will get laryngitis every time we go to his church! Yay! Then I won't be asked to sing again! Great idea.....don't you think??
So today while at work, remember it's Memorial Day and there is nothing to do, I wrote a poem for Derrell. I much prefer writing poems to singing. I would get up no problem and read one of my poems, but singing in front of people???....blech. Anyway I am very proud of my poem, I think it turned out quite nicely. I haven't written anything since July 2011 (posted way down there \/ ) so I'm a bit rusty. Anyway Derrell said he liked it, I hope he did. I would like to write more poems, maybe this summer I can try and accomplish that.
It's 10:03am, I so wish it were 2:03pm so I could get the heck out of dodge!!!!
Fated
Fated
You make me smile
You make me laugh
I haven't felt this way in quite a while
At times I don't know what to do or say
I'm afraid that this will all disappear in an instant
Then my story book ending will all go away
I shake that off and bow my head and pray
Dear Lord thank you for everything
I praise you for yesterday, tomorrow, and today
Nothing lasts for forever, for this I know
I am glad that I have you by my side now
As my anchor to continue this journey, wherever we go
"I want to grow old with you" you said the other day
This made me feel so loved
I smiled in reply feeling exactly the same way
You are a good kind man, so faithful and strong
You make me want to be a better person
If we continue to walk together with the Lord, we can't go wrong
I am so thankful that you waited
Everything happens for a reason
We were meant to be together....it was fated
To Derrell Jennings, my love
5/30/11
You make me smile
You make me laugh
I haven't felt this way in quite a while
At times I don't know what to do or say
I'm afraid that this will all disappear in an instant
Then my story book ending will all go away
I shake that off and bow my head and pray
Dear Lord thank you for everything
I praise you for yesterday, tomorrow, and today
Nothing lasts for forever, for this I know
I am glad that I have you by my side now
As my anchor to continue this journey, wherever we go
"I want to grow old with you" you said the other day
This made me feel so loved
I smiled in reply feeling exactly the same way
You are a good kind man, so faithful and strong
You make me want to be a better person
If we continue to walk together with the Lord, we can't go wrong
I am so thankful that you waited
Everything happens for a reason
We were meant to be together....it was fated
To Derrell Jennings, my love
5/30/11
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Something New
I hate summer.....okay it is only April 19th, but I hate the heat and humidity, how about that? I have had a headache since about 4am and now I feel sick. I hate the heat & humidity.
So Ashton is doing better in school, I hope. I pray that the "your child might have to repeat 8th grade" letter that I received from the school was the kick in the butt she needed. Sigh..... On one hand I wonder if her doing so poorly in school is a result of loosing Papaw last year. On the other hand she needs to kick booty to be able to go to high school and she is very lazy about school work. Since I have started school this year I admit I am not as......in her face or bothersome about her school work; clearly this tactic is not working. I have spoken to Michelle and I've gotten her two cents on the whole thing. Although when I received the letter from the school everything Michelle had told me the day before flew right out of my head and I yelled. I hate yelling. It serves absolutely no purpose with Ashton. The minute I start yelling she shuts down, then I yell even more because I'm ticked off about the glazed look in her eyes. Sigh......teenagers.
I have given her an incentive though. This summer I am putting Julia in gymnastics at The Little Gym, so just to be fair I told Ashton that if she worked really hard and doesn't have to go to summer school then she could pick something to do as well. I think she was very excited about this prospect (although she has no idea what she would do), but hey I'm all for bribery :)
School is going fairly well. I've completed the first class, Medical Terminology, which was a beating. For starters it was my first crack at being in a class room in 15 years, secondly it was ALL memorization. Quick! What does hepatitis mean???? Well class, -itis means inflammation and hepa- means liver. So hepatitis means inflammation of the liver. Sounds easy right? Okay what does "coccidioidomycocis" mean? Well class, it is a fungal disease also known as Valley Fever. Doesn't sound so easy now does it???? The good news is I passes that class.....YAY! Now I am taking ICD9 Coding. It is MUCH easier, however I find myself not doing my homework until the night before and then sometimes I don't finish it. That is not good. I need to work on that. Oh, and shhh don't tell Ashton I'm not doing my homework. I think that would put me on the bad parent list......like I'm not already there.....LOL
My head still hurts....................can I go home?
I have started a science experiement. I have decided to purchase $5 of Texas Two Step Lottery tickets every week for a month and see if I win anything. I always like to say, if I won the lottery I could____ <-----insert fun thing here. However you can't win the lottery if you don't play the lottery. SO here I am. I spent $5 last Thursday and didn't win anything, maybe I will this week. Keep your fingers crossed for me will you???
My head still hurts AND I would like a nap.....can I go home?
I've somehow not mentioned my beau in this entire post, so I guess I will now. I have a Beau. He is very nice, sweet, thoughtful, and amazingly wonderful with the girls. Oh and he's not too hard on the eyes either ;) Honestly though when I watch him & Julia interact it makes me all soft and gooey inside. This is what it's supposed to be like, right? A little girl is supposed to crave attention from her "daddy". I know he is not her daddy, she has one of those (well kinda), however she sees my Beau far far far more often than she does her father. Ashton will take some time to come around. She likes him, and she says that I am happier since he's been around which is a good thing. She just doesn't sit next to him and want to hold his hand like Julia. Well honestly I'm happy about that last statement, because that would just be weird.
My head still hurts AND I would like a nap AND I have homework to finish....can I go home??
3 hours down 5 more to go......sad so very sad
So Ashton is doing better in school, I hope. I pray that the "your child might have to repeat 8th grade" letter that I received from the school was the kick in the butt she needed. Sigh..... On one hand I wonder if her doing so poorly in school is a result of loosing Papaw last year. On the other hand she needs to kick booty to be able to go to high school and she is very lazy about school work. Since I have started school this year I admit I am not as......in her face or bothersome about her school work; clearly this tactic is not working. I have spoken to Michelle and I've gotten her two cents on the whole thing. Although when I received the letter from the school everything Michelle had told me the day before flew right out of my head and I yelled. I hate yelling. It serves absolutely no purpose with Ashton. The minute I start yelling she shuts down, then I yell even more because I'm ticked off about the glazed look in her eyes. Sigh......teenagers.
I have given her an incentive though. This summer I am putting Julia in gymnastics at The Little Gym, so just to be fair I told Ashton that if she worked really hard and doesn't have to go to summer school then she could pick something to do as well. I think she was very excited about this prospect (although she has no idea what she would do), but hey I'm all for bribery :)
School is going fairly well. I've completed the first class, Medical Terminology, which was a beating. For starters it was my first crack at being in a class room in 15 years, secondly it was ALL memorization. Quick! What does hepatitis mean???? Well class, -itis means inflammation and hepa- means liver. So hepatitis means inflammation of the liver. Sounds easy right? Okay what does "coccidioidomycocis" mean? Well class, it is a fungal disease also known as Valley Fever. Doesn't sound so easy now does it???? The good news is I passes that class.....YAY! Now I am taking ICD9 Coding. It is MUCH easier, however I find myself not doing my homework until the night before and then sometimes I don't finish it. That is not good. I need to work on that. Oh, and shhh don't tell Ashton I'm not doing my homework. I think that would put me on the bad parent list......like I'm not already there.....LOL
My head still hurts....................can I go home?
I have started a science experiement. I have decided to purchase $5 of Texas Two Step Lottery tickets every week for a month and see if I win anything. I always like to say, if I won the lottery I could____ <-----insert fun thing here. However you can't win the lottery if you don't play the lottery. SO here I am. I spent $5 last Thursday and didn't win anything, maybe I will this week. Keep your fingers crossed for me will you???
My head still hurts AND I would like a nap.....can I go home?
I've somehow not mentioned my beau in this entire post, so I guess I will now. I have a Beau. He is very nice, sweet, thoughtful, and amazingly wonderful with the girls. Oh and he's not too hard on the eyes either ;) Honestly though when I watch him & Julia interact it makes me all soft and gooey inside. This is what it's supposed to be like, right? A little girl is supposed to crave attention from her "daddy". I know he is not her daddy, she has one of those (well kinda), however she sees my Beau far far far more often than she does her father. Ashton will take some time to come around. She likes him, and she says that I am happier since he's been around which is a good thing. She just doesn't sit next to him and want to hold his hand like Julia. Well honestly I'm happy about that last statement, because that would just be weird.
My head still hurts AND I would like a nap AND I have homework to finish....can I go home??
3 hours down 5 more to go......sad so very sad
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Papaw
My Papaw was a simple man who wore many hats
He was always up to something
From fixing up his bathroom, to rescuing me from a flat
The ultimate family man
He loved spending time with his wife & children
B-B-Qing, mowing the grass, he was living the master plan
He called Nell "my sweet wife"
He loved that woman more than anything
The last 59 years were the best of his life
His son & daughter were such a blessing to him
Sheila received his gift of music
Rick was his fishing buddy and best friend
Blessed with 2 granddaughters didn't slow him down
Coaching softball & riding motorcycles
Fixing the old homestead up from the ground
Ashton was the first great-granddaughter, the light of his eye
Oh how he loved driving her around on the tractor
Looking for bunny foo-foos low and high
Little Julia came next, she loved her Papaw from day one
He delighted in teaching her nursery rhymes
How he loved to see her running to him before church had begun
His soul has music imprinted upon it
"Rock of Ages" "Mansion on a Hilltop"
If I close my eyes I can see him at the pulpit
For now he is leading the Heavenly Choir up above
Singing "I'll fly away" like he's never sung before
Close your eyes, listen, and feel his love
Dedicated to my Papaw, Don Harris
12-7-31 - 7/7/10
He was always up to something
From fixing up his bathroom, to rescuing me from a flat
The ultimate family man
He loved spending time with his wife & children
B-B-Qing, mowing the grass, he was living the master plan
He called Nell "my sweet wife"
He loved that woman more than anything
The last 59 years were the best of his life
His son & daughter were such a blessing to him
Sheila received his gift of music
Rick was his fishing buddy and best friend
Blessed with 2 granddaughters didn't slow him down
Coaching softball & riding motorcycles
Fixing the old homestead up from the ground
Ashton was the first great-granddaughter, the light of his eye
Oh how he loved driving her around on the tractor
Looking for bunny foo-foos low and high
Little Julia came next, she loved her Papaw from day one
He delighted in teaching her nursery rhymes
How he loved to see her running to him before church had begun
His soul has music imprinted upon it
"Rock of Ages" "Mansion on a Hilltop"
If I close my eyes I can see him at the pulpit
For now he is leading the Heavenly Choir up above
Singing "I'll fly away" like he's never sung before
Close your eyes, listen, and feel his love
Dedicated to my Papaw, Don Harris
12-7-31 - 7/7/10
Loss
The memorial service for my Papaw was held Friday 7/17/10, over a hundred people were in attendance. I saw my father cry for the first time. We were watching the slide show of photos go by, I mentioned to my dad that my favorite one of him and Papaw (his dad) was coming up. I looked over at him and he was crying. I apologized and said I didn't think. I've seen these photos before but he hadn't, not all together like that. Not only have I lost my grandpa, my dad has lost his dad. I was talking to Memaw on the phone today and she mentioned that she was going through some cards today. The Father's Day card Daddy gave to Papaw this year, typically he just signed Love Rick. This year he wrote "I love you Daddy". Memaw was crying as she told me this. I know that everyone has to go sometime, but I was thinking today what would I do if I lost my girls. How would I be able to go on if something happened to either one of them. Or them if I died while they were still young. Sadly death has been on my mind a lot these days. After the memorial was over we all went out for ice cream at Braums. I found it a bit ironic because one of (many) the great joys in Papaw's life was taking his sweet wife to Braums and eating a banana split. It was very weird to be there without him. Papaw had such life. He was big, tall, and loud. He had massive hands and a massive voice. He had great love for his family, especially his sweet wife.
I just came from Memaw's house to loan her a pack of toilet paper. She seemed a tiny bit more at peace tonight. It's a roller coaster though. She will be okay one minute and then she will get this look sad look on her face. I know who she's thinking about so I don't say anything. She needs to work through her grief her way. She said today that she didn't accomplish anything, and Sheila didn't make her get up and do anything so she didn't. Haha
I will include my poem now.
I just came from Memaw's house to loan her a pack of toilet paper. She seemed a tiny bit more at peace tonight. It's a roller coaster though. She will be okay one minute and then she will get this look sad look on her face. I know who she's thinking about so I don't say anything. She needs to work through her grief her way. She said today that she didn't accomplish anything, and Sheila didn't make her get up and do anything so she didn't. Haha
I will include my poem now.
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Sad
My grandfather passed away unexpectedly on July 7, 2010; he was 78 years old. I know where my Papaw is, I have no doubt of that. The hard part is the ones he left behind. I know this is selfish but what are we supposed to do now? Are we expected to throw a party that he is now at home with Jesus? As Christians we are supposed to be excited about "going home", but what about the people you leave behind? He lived a very long life, and was able to have a good relationship with his children and me his granddaughter, but it's just not fair. On one hand I suppose I should be grateful that he didn't get ill and have to be bedridden, because that's not a good way to live. His passing was just such a surprise that it's got me thinking. Would your family be okay if you passed away tomorrow? Would they know you loved them? My grandfather's passing has made me very aware of how each and every minute of the day is so precious. So my advice to you is to make each day count. Don't use your good china only on 'special occasions', use it every day! Don't only call your family on holidays, call them weekly! See them as often as you can! You never know what tomorrow will bring. I am a Christian and when I die I pray that I will see Jesus and spend eternity with him, I only hope it's a long long time from now. I have too much living to do to go home now. My girls need their mommy. So my friends, Live Well, Love Much, and Laugh Often!
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